“WHY PASS BYPASS BY?” REVEREND WILL B DUNN OUR LITTLE CONGREGATION'S HUMBLE AS PIE WE THOUGHT THE POWER OF PRAYER COULD SUPPLY US A PLATE FULL BUT IT WAS FATEFUL JUST WHEN WE THOUGHT WE HAD A BOUNTEOUS PLATE THEY CAME THROUGH BUILDING ON THE INTERSTATE BUT TO HEX IT: FORGOT TO GIVE US AN EXIT ALL AND NOW WE WATCH THOSE CARS AND TRUCKS THEY FLY PAST GO SOMEWHERE ELSE TO SPEND THE BIG BUCKS NOT BYPASS NOT BYPASS WHY PASS BYPASS BY? WHY NOT GIVE OUR LITTLE TOWN A TRY? IF YOU DO YOU’LL NEVER SAY GOODBYE SO, WHY WHY PASS BYPASS BY? MIKE, DUB FIX UP YOUR CAR, MISTER GET YOU ON THE ROAD TO NEW YORK AND CALIFORNIA KUDZU I WISH HAD ME A CAR -- I’D PUT IT IN GEAR MAURICE WE COULD GO RIDING DOWN THE ROAD DUB and MIKE TRY OUR BARBEQUE PORK SAUCE, MISTER, I WARN YA SURE AS YOU’RE BORN Y’ALL GONNA WANNA LAY DOWN SOME ROOTS AROUND HERE ALL WHY PASS BYPASS BY WHY NOT GIVE OUR LITTLE TOWN A TRY IF YOU LONG FOR SUNNY SOUTHERN SKY OH WHY-Y-Y-Y WHY PASS BYPASS BY? BIG BUBBA DON’T YOU HATE WHEN OPPORTUNITY KNOCKS FOLKS ACT LIKE THEIR HEADS ARE MADE OUTA BLOCKS THEY JUST STAND THERE, WATCHING IT FADE A MAN LIKE ME’LL TAKE THE OPPOSITE TACK I’LL BUY IT FROM YOU, PAINT IT, SELL IT RIGHT BACK AND THAT’S WHY YOU’RE YOU BUT ME, I GOT IT MADE VERANDA B -Y - P - A - S - S -S! Hi, Daddy! ALL WHY PASS BYPASS BY WHY NOT GIVE OUR LITTLE TOWN A TRY IF YOU DO YOU’LL NEVER SAY GOODBYE SO WHY-- WHY PASS BYPASS BY REVEREND WILL B DUNN C’MON Y’ALL WE GOT TO GET OUT THE LEAD DON’T YOU REMEMBER THE APOSTLE PAUL SAID “WITHIN EACH SOUL, LIES THE ABILITY” IT DOESN’T MATTER IF YOU COME FROM THE SOUTH DON’T MEAN YOUR BEST FOOT’S GOT TO BE IN YOUR MOUTH IT’S NOT THE HEAT -- IT’S THE HUMILITY ALL WE GET SO GET TIRED OF EVERYBODY ALWAYS THINKIN’ WE’RE INBREDS ON RETREADS WE GOT TO SHOW EM WE’RE THE BY-GOD CREAM OF THE CROP SO WHILE THEY’RE THINKIN THAT WE’RE SLEEPIN-MAKIN-LOVE-AND-DRINKIN- DEAD HEADS IN BARE THREADS WE’RE GONNA PUT OUR LITTLE TOWN RIGHT UP ON THE TOP WHY PASS BYPASS BY? WHY NOT GIVE OUR LITTLE TOWN A TRY IF YOU DO YOU’LL NEVER SAY GOODBYE WHY-Y-Y-Y-Y WHY PASS BYPASS BYPASS BY WILL Amen!

“FATHERLESS” KUDZU WHEN HE WAS JUST A LITTLE BIT OLDER THAN I AM MY DADDY LEFT TOWN, LEFT MY MAMA AND ME THEN HE WENT OUT ON THE ROAD AND HE ROLLED AND ROLLED ‘TIL HE GOT SO FAR AWAY I COULDN’T SEE HIM DON’T KNOW WHERE HE LIVES I’D LIKE TO FIND HIM SOMEHOW ASK HIM HOW HE IS WHAT HE THINKS I OUGHT TO DO NOW I’D LIKE TO READ HIS MIND BUT I WON’T KNOW HOW UNTIL I’M JUST A LITTLE BIT OLDER THAN I AM NOW EVERYBODY NEEDS SOMEBODY THEY CAN BRING THEIR TROUBLES TO I GUESS BY NOW I OUGHTA KNOW THAT AIN’T GONNA BE YOU DON’T NEED YOU TO THROW ME A BALL OR TEACH ME ALL ‘BOUT THE BIRDS AND BEES ALL I’M NEEDING RIGHT NOW IS A CLUE BUT WHEN I’M JUST A LITTLE BIT OLDER THAN I AM NOW I CAN WRITE MY OWN TICKET AND GO MY OWN WAY SOMEWHERE AWAY FROM HERE I’LL CHANGE MY NAME--MY HEAD’LL CLEAR I’LL STAND UP TALL AND I’LL KNOW JUST WHAT TO SAY THEN I’LL COME BACK AND FOLKS’LL ALL SAY “WOW” WHEN I’M JUST A LITTLE BIT OLDER JUST A LITTLE BIT OLDER JUST A LITTLE BIT OLDER THAN I AM NOW

“MINE” [As MUSIC begins, BIG BUBBA removes a foil wrapped Barbeque sandwich from his desk drawer, sniffs and cradles the sandwich lovingly] MINE MINE ISN’T THE SOUND OF IT FINE DOESN’T IT RING LIKE A BELL ISN’T IT SWELL DOESN’T IT SHINE MINE MINE PRECIOUS AND WARM AS A CHILD WRAPPED UP IN FOIL BUT IN A WHILE IT COULD SPOIL NOT BE FIT FOR A SWINE YOU COULD SUFFER THE LOSS ME, I LIKE TO ADD SAUCE [Pours SAUCE] HERE, TRY SOME OF MI. . . . WAIT A MINUTE WHAT’S THIS NASTY GREEN SPOT ON MY BARBEQUE THIS ONE LITTLE PIECE I DON’T OWN THE TITLE TO. [He removes and examines a strand of meat, then returns it to the sandwich and drenches it with Barbeque sauce] BUT, NO CAUSE FOR ALARM I POUR ON THE CHARM AND VOILA LOOKEHEAH IT’S FINE MINE MINE FAR AS THE EYE CAN SEE MINE MINE ISN’T DEMOCRACY GREAT I CAN FILL UP MY PLATE BEFORE I RESIGN AND WHEN I GET WHAT I SET MY MIND ON I’LL HAVE IT ALL CARVED UP AND DINED ON I’LL EAT IT WITH SAUCE HELL IT’S GOOD TO BE BOSS I AIN’T LYIN’ LOOKAHERE IT AIN’T HIS IT AIN’T HERS IT AIN’T YOURS IT’S MINE JUST MINE ALL MINE

“STORY SONG” KUDZU, WELL, IT’S A GREAT BIG STORY HAVEN’T FINISHED IT YET BUT IT AIN’T HALF AS BIG AS IT’S GONNA GET HERE’S ONE ABOUT A PRINCESS HER DAD’S A TUSCAN KING SHE GETS CARRIED OFF BY PIRATES WANT TO STEAL HER MAGIC RING THE RING SHE’S SAVING FOR A PRINCE WHEN MARRIED, THEY WILL BE -- WHEN SHE WON’T GIVE IT UP, THEY DRAG HER TO THE WIDE SARGASSO SEA NASAL, KUDZU and MAURICE THREE MUSKETEERS WHO KNOW THE GIRL THEY’RE KEEPING CHAINED DOWN IN THE HOLD VERANDA [entering as a story character.] HE--LP KUDZU ONE’S TALL AND THIN, MAURICE THEIR LEADER’S MOORISH, NASAL ONE IS CAVALIER AND BOLD -- VERANDA I'M STILL DOWN HERE. KUDZU THEY BUST IT OPEN, SEE HER . . THEN THEY FREE HER VERANDA Thanks. MAURICE THE KING’S LOOKING FOR HIS DAUGHTER IN THE SHARK-INFESTED WATER NASAL BUT THE GIRL, SHE’S SUCH A QUEER ONE RUNS OFF WITH THE CAVALIER ONE . . . [VERANDA falls into NASAL’s arms.] KUDZU Wrong! [NASAL drops VERANDA.] NASAL THERE WAS THREE OL TEXAS RANGERS OUT A RIDIN CROSS THE PLAIN COME UPON A FAMOUS OUTLAW WHO’S A HOLDIN UP A TRAIN [VERANDA appears as Western Outlaw.] IT’S THE VERY ONE THEY’RE AFTER 3-GUN THELMA ON CAYOOSE IF WE CAN BRING ‘ER IN ALIVE SHE’LL GO TO TRIAL AND GET THE NOOSE KUDZU, MAURICE and NASAL THEN, THERE’S A MEXICAN STANDOFF VERANDA STANDOFF KUDZU, MAURICE and NASAL WHEN SHE MAKES A MOVE, BLOW HER HAND OFF VERANDA HAND OFF KUDZU SHE SAYS: VERANDA WAIT, THIS IS NO LONGER FUN! KUDZU, MAURICE, NASAL and VERANDA LOOK -- I’M DROPPING MY GUN! KUDZU and VERANDA I CAN SEE YOU’RE VAQUEROS WITH HEART GIVE ME JUST A TWO-HOUR HEAD START HERE’S YOUR STRONG-BOX AND LOOT-SACK BACK, PLOWBOY MAURICE and NASAL AS SHE RIDES OFF WITH THE BLACK COWBOY KUDZU No. MAURICE MAYBE IT’S ALL ABOUT A CRIME WAVE GOTTA COP WITH A CIGAR YOU WONDER WHY HE NEVER HAS A CLUE KUDZU The style is film noir. MAURICE SO HE CALLS IN THREE DETECTIVES NASAL ROOKIES! MAURICE BUT HE FIGURES, HECK AT LEAST I’LL GET THE DAMN COMMISSIONER AND PRESS BOYS OFF MY NECK KUDZU, MAURICE and NASAL THEY HIT THE BRICKS AND START DETECTIN’ HEADIN’ FOR THE GIN MILLS AND THE DIVES ONE SHOT IS FIRED THEN THEY HEAR THE SHELL EJECTIN’ OUT THE DOOR THE LOWLIFES POUR IN FOURS AND FIVES NASAL THEN OVER BY THE BAR NASAL, KUDZU STANDS THAT COP WITH HIS CIGAR KUDZU AND A DAME WITH A VALISE [VERANDA enters with suitcase] KUDZU [cont.] HE’S GOT HER COVERED WITH HIS PIECE WE FIND OUT HE’S A CROOKED COP AND SHE’S AN UNDERCOVER OP INVESTIGATING THE POLICE BUT SHE TURNS OUT TO BE HIS NIECE AND SHE SAYS VERANDA STOP! DON’T SHOOT MY COUSIN’S POP [She exits.] KUDZU, MAURICE and NASAL WELL, IT’S A GREAT BIG STORY HAVEN’T FINISHED IT YET BUT IT AIN’T HALF AS BIG AS IT’S GONNA GET NO IT AIN’T HALF AS BIG AS IT’S GONNA GET

“ THE LORD WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS” WILL NOW, LEMME EXPLAIN SOME THINGS TO YOU IT’S NOT JUST SOME OLD SHOPWORN PHRASE NOT SOMETHING I PICKED UP LAYING AROUND ON THE GROUND DOWN AT PECAN U. IT’S THAT THE LORD WORKS IN STRANGE, BIZARRE, AND AT TIMES INCOMPREHENSIBLE WAYS THE LORD WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS THE LORD WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS I WENT OFF TO DIVINITY SCHOOL LORD, I LIKED IT A LOT MARRIED A WOMAN WHO SAID MY MOMMA DIDN’T RAISE NO FOOL LORD, I LIKED HER A LOT THOUGHT I WAS SET FOR ALL MY DAYS BUT THE LORD WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS THE GRAND CANYON WAS OUR HONEYMOON TOOK THE TRAIL RIDE, OF COURSE GOT EXCITED A LITTLE TOO SOON SHE WAS THROWN BY HER HORSE WATCHED HER FLOAT OFF IN THE HAZE OH, THE LORD WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS MAMA Oh, you poor man! WILL NOW I GO TO THE GRAVEYARD ALONE TRY MY SERMONS OUT ON HER FIRST IF I DON’T I’LL BE SORRY WHEN I GET HOME IT’S LIKE SOME KIND OF CURSE IS THERE NO END TO THIS PHASE? THE LORD WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS! THE LORD WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS WILL, MAMA and KUDZU THE LORD WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS

DUB’S REAL PIT BARBEQUE SAUCE BYPASS BOYS WHEN YOU’RE DRIVING IN YOUR CAR AIN’T NO REASON TO FEEL NERVOUS IF YOU CHECKED YOUR POINTS AND PLUGS DOWN HERE AT DUB’S FULL SERVICE REAL PIT REAL PIT REAL PIT VINEGAR BASE OR ‘MATER YOU CAN TASTE IT NOW AND YOU CAN TASTE IT LATER REAL PIT- REAL PIT- REAL PIT

"DUET FOR ONE" KUDZU EVER SINCE I WAS A LAD IMAGINATION’S WHAT I HAD I COULD TURN A CLEVER PHRASE WITH WORDS UNMINCING BUT WHEN I TRY TO STRIKE THE PERFECT NOTE WITH HER THE WORDS CATCH IN MY THROAT WITH HER MY NOUNS AND ADVERBS COME OUT UNCONVINCING AH, WHAT’RE YOU S’POSED TO DO WHEN YOUR LOVE AIN’T LOVING YOU . . . BACK? WHEN YOU’RE SINKING IN A STEW THINKING THERE MUST BE A CLUE YOU LACK JUST WHEN YOU SHOULD BE SWIMMING YOU’RE OUT THERE LIKE A LEMMING IN A CROWD, BUT BLUE OH, WHAT’RE YOU S’POSED TO DO WHEN YOUR LOVE AIN’T LOVING YOU . . . BACK? MIKE HOW LONG YOU S’POSED TO WAIT IF A BOY WON’T TAKE THE BAIT . .. AND BITE? ME, I’M NOT THE KIND OF WENCH WHO’D UP AND HIT HIM WITH A WRENCH BUT I MIGHT HOW CAN LOVE GET YOU, THEN JUST SIT BACK AND LET YOU TWIST IN THE WIND? OH, WHAT’RE YOU S’POSED TO DO WHEN YOUR LOVE AIN’T LOVIN’ YOU . . . QUITE MIKE AND KUDZU YOU’VE GOT THE MOON AND STARS INSIDE YOU HE’LL [SHE’LL] KNOW SOMEDAY IT DON’T MAKE SENSE FOR LOVE TO HIDE YOU AWAY WHAT ARE YOU S’POSED TO DO WHEN THE ONE YOU LOVE DON’T KNOW THAT YOU EXIST YOU TRY AND TRY ....AND TRY BUT YOU DON’T KNOW WHY YOU’RE EASY TO RESIST IT DOESN’T MATTER HOW YOU FIDDLE LOVE IS LIKE A RIDDLE YOU CAN’T SEEM TO CRACK OHH, WHAT’RE YOU SUPPOSED TO DO WHEN YOUR LOVE AIN’T LOVIN’ YOU . . . BACK?

: "JESUS WAS NOT AN ALIEN" BYPASS BOYS IN BIBLE SCHOOL THEY TRAIN US TO KNOW THE GOOD BOOK FLAT IF JESUS WAS FROM URANUS . . . WE WOULD SMELL A RAT! WELL HE WALKS LIKE A MAN AND HE TALKS LIKE ONE TOO AND THE LORD SENT HIM DOWN JUST TO SAVE ME AND YOU SO LET HIS NAME BE PRAISED AND HIS WILL BE DONE JESUS WAS NOT AN ALIEN! OH WELL I READ READ IN THE PAPER ON THE VERY DAY THEY SPOTTED TWO TWO-HEADED ELVIS IN THE IGA IT CAN’T BE TRUE THIS STORY MUST NOT HAVE A FACTUAL BASE THEY CLAIM THAT JESUS CAME FROM OUTER SPACE [BYPASS BOYS DON CHOIR ROBES DURING SONG] SO TAKE A LOOK TAKE A GOOD LOOK AT HIS HOLY FACE AND READ THE BOOK THE GOOD BOOK SAYS HE’S FROM THE HUMAN RACE YOU BETTER PRAISE PRAISE THE FATHER AND HIS ONLY SON JESUS WAS NOT AN ALIEN! PRAISE THE FATHER AND HIS ONLY SON JESUS WAS NOT AN ALIEN! MMMM . . .

: “CITY ON THE HILL” ALL WE GATHER TOGETHER TO SING AND TO PRAY CONFESS ALL OUR SINS AND REPENT WILL THE LORD ABOVE WANTS YOU TO SEE THINGS MY WAY WHY ELSE DO YOU THINK I WAS SENT? YOU KNOW THE WAY IS STRAIGHT IT’S ALL BEEN FORETOLD ALL ABOUT THE PEARLY GATES ALL ABOUT THE STREETS OF GOLD BUT-- WHY SHOULD YOU HAVE TO WAIT TILL YOU DIE? ALL SHOULD WE HAVE TO WAIT? WILL YOU CAN HAVE IT HERE AND NOW ALL HERE AND NOW WILL WE’RE GONNA BUILD IT UP ON HIGH ALL UP ON HIGH WILL AND I’M A GONNA SHOW YOU HOW WE’RE GONNA BUILD A [WILL unveils the scale-model of Mega-Church and Bypass of the Future] ALL CITY ON A HILL -- WOO! CITY ON A HILL! CITY ON A HILL -- WOO! CITY ON A HILL! WILL Oh, yes, brothers and sisters, today we stand on the mountaintop, and we can see that promised land! But just as in Moses’ day, there may be amongst us backsliders and naysayers-- BIG BUBBA Dub Dubose! WILL Just as in every garden of hope and promise, there lies a serpent of doubt and negativity proffering up an apple of rebellion, resistance, and recalcitrance. We don’t need no pooh-poohers! We don’t need no Doctor Nos! We don’t need no Doubting Thomases! What we need is a miracle! [Pulls out EARL JUNIOR from hiding] EARL JUNIOR A-ROOO! [MAMA screams] WILL Let us pray. Oh, Lord, be with us today as we join in this holy sacrament of exorcism. Help us as we lay hands upon this poor sorry beast who stands in for his master Dub Dubose as a symbol and a token of his contrariness and unwillingness to be a team player. MAMA, MAZEE SEE HIM PREACH WATCH HIM TESTIFY WOMEN TESTIFY, TESTIFY! MAMA, MAZEE HEY, GIRL YOU KNOW THAT MAN WILL CATCH YOUR EYE WOMEN CATCH YOUR EYE CATCH YOUR EYE WILL WHEN I PUT ON MY ROBE AND CLERICAL COLLAR THE WOMEN START TO SHOUT COMMENCE TO HOLLER THEY CAN’T HELP THEMSELVES IT’S NOT THEIR FAULT IT’S JUST THE WAY I AM IT’S MY GESTALT MAMA, MAZEE REVEREND DUNN REVEREND DUNN REVEREND DUNN YOU’RE THE ONE YOU’RE THE ONE REVEREND DUNN REVEREND DUNN REVEREND DUNN YOU’RE SO MUCH FUN WILL THE REVELATION’S HERE AT HAND WE’RE JUST ABOUT TO CALL THE ROLL WANT EVERYONE TO UNDERSTAND WANT EVERY LITTLE SHEEP BACK IN THE FOLD WANT EVERY ONE TO GET IN LINE ALL IN THE CITY WILL BEFORE TOO MUCH TIME IS PASSED ALL IN THE CITY WILL ANYWHERE YOU ARE’S JUST FINE ALL IN THE CITY WILL CAUSE DON’T FORGET: THE FIRST SHALL BE LAST ALL SHALL BE SHALL BE CITY ON A HILL -- WOO CITY ON A HILL CITY ON A HILL -- WOO CITY ON A HILL CITY CITY UP ON A HILL WILL WHO’S GONNA TAKE YOU THERE? ALL CITY UP ON A HILL WILL WHO’S GONNA SHAKE YOU THERE? ALL CITY UP ON A HILL WILL WHO’S GONNA HOLD YOUR HAND? ALL CITY UP ON A HILL WILL WHO’S GONNA UNDERSTAND? ALL CITY CITY UP ON THE HI- -LL MAZEE HALLELUJAH! ALL CITY I WANNA BE IN THAT CITY CITY UP IN THE CITY ETC.

KUDZU DUB DID I EVER TELL Y’ALL BOUT THAT TIME AT THE LAKE? IT WAS KUDZU, BOY, THAT SAVED MY LIFE WOULDN’T TELL YOU NO LIE NOW, THIS AIN’T NO FAKE SAVED MY DOG, MY GUN, & MY THIRD WIFE HAD THE BASSBOAT GOING LIKE A COOL COOL BREEZE MAMA, MAZEE [Entering] BASSBOAT, OO DUB WE WERE DOING BOUT SIXTY I BET -- THROTTLE GOT STUCK WE BOUT TO SLAM UP IN THE TREES MAMA, MAZEE BASSBOAT, OO DUB WHEN THE KUDZU CAUGHT US LIKE A GREAT BIG NET! ALL KUDZU IS EVERYWHERE IT COVERS US FROM HERE TO THERE IT’S WHO WE ARE IT’S OUR DESTINY KUDZU’S A FRIEND OF MINE DAGGONE CLIMBING VINE, CHEAP GREEN SUIT FROM THE MOUNTAINS TO THE SEA CHEAP GREEN SUIT FROM THE MOUNTAINS TO THE SEA MAMA NOW, LISTEN HERE, SON, IT’S A WONDERFUL PLANT IT’S READY-TO-WEAR AND IT’LL NEVER SHRINK LOTS OF THINGS IT CAN DO, A FEW THAT IT CAN’T BUT IT’S A MIRACLE FIBER -- THAT’S WHAT I THINK SO, LISTEN TO YOUR MAMA, LIKE A GOOD BOY SHOULD MAMA YOU’RE STILL A BOY NOW DON’T FORGET I’LL COOK AND I’LL SEW AND I’LL TURN YOU OUT GOOD YOU’RE NOT EIGHTEEN YET ALL KUDZU-OO! KUDZU I WANT TO WRITE BIG BUBBA Good boy! KUDZU I WANT TO WRITE BIG BUBBA There you go! KUDZU BUT EVERY TIME I GET MY PEN AND THINK I MIGHT KUDZU I FIND I CAN’T BECAUSE THE PLANT BIG BUBBA I hate that plant. KUDZU IT GETS ME TWISTED UP AND MAKES ME RAVE AND RANT HUMILIATION IGNOMINY SHAME AN ORIENTAL CREEPER FOR A NAME ALL KUDZU IS EVERYWHERE COVERS US FROM HERE TO THERE IT’S WHO WE ARE IT’S OUR DESTINY KUDZU’S A FRIEND OF MINE DAGGONE CLIMBING VINE, CHEAP GREEN SUIT FROM THE MOUNTAINS TO THE SEA CHEAP GREEN SUIT FROM THE MOUNTAINS TO THE SEA MAZEE HEARD TELL SOME FOLKS MAKE A MEAL OF THAT STUFF I DON’T KNOW ABOUT THEM, BUT I’M SURE ABOUT ME FROM WHERE I SIT IT LOOKS MIGHTY TOUGH HONEY, I’D STARVE TO DEATH IF THAT’S ALL I HAD TO EAT DUB and PEABO I HEAR OVER YONDER THEY MAKE IT INTO WINE PEABO GOT FOURTEEN ACRES HERE DUB, WHADDAYA THINK? DUB IF Y’ALL WANT TO SQUEEZE IT BOYS, THAT’LL BE FINE DUB and PEABO BUT TELL ME WHICH ONE’S GONNA TAKE THE FIRST DRINK? ALL TELL ME WHICH ONE’S GONNA TAKE THE FIRST DRINK? [Town passes KUDZU a gallon of Kudzu Drink.] MAZEE KUDZU SURE AS FATE NEVER GON ERADICATE MIGHT AS WELL CELEBRATE MIGHTILY WOMEN WILD AND SERPENTINE MEN DAGGONE CLIMBING VINE ALL COVER YOU UP LIKE IT COVERED UP ME COVER YOU UP LIKE IT COVERED UP ME ALL KUDZU MAURICE KUDZU IS EVERYWHERE ALL IT’S WHO WE ARE IT’S OUR DESTINY MAURICE, NASAL KUDZU’S A FRIEND OF MINE ALL DAGGONE CLIMBING VINE MEN A CHEAP GREEN SUIT -- NOOH A CHEAP GREEN SUIT -- NOOH A CHEAP GREEN SUIT -- NOOH CHEAP P GREEN SUIT -- NOOH MAMA Kudzu Dubose, would you kindly meet your party at the ticket counter? MEN GONNA PUT ON A CHEAP GREEN SUIT ALL PUT ON YOUR CHEAP GREEN PUT ON YOUR CHEAP GREEN SUIT PUT ON YOUR CHEAP GREEN YOUR CHEAP GREEN SUIT ALL PUT ON YOUR CHEAP GREEN PUT ON YOUR CHEAP GREEN PUT ON YOUR CHEAP GREEN PUT ON YOUR CHEAP GREEN KUDZU!!!

“HEY, EARL” MIKE [sings to her dog Earl Junior]] HEY, EARL ALL TIED UP IN KNOTS AND YOU’VE BEEN REJECTED WAS IT SOMETHING THAT YOU SAID OR SOMETHING THAT YOU DID THAT MADE THEM LEAVE YOU OUT HERE ON YOUR OWN AND SO NEGLECTED WOULD YOU BELIEVE IT I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL AND I KNOW WHY YOU’RE BLUE CAUSE EARL, I’M SENTIMENTAL TOO HE FLIES TO THE STARS AND HE WRAPS THEM IN WORDS OF TRUEST EMOTION ME, EARL, I FIX CARS BUT HIS WORDS FILL MY HEART AND I’M OUT ON THE OCEAN FLOATING AND WAITING AND WONDERING WHEN WILL HE SEE ME NEW? CAUSE EARL, I’M SENTIMENTAL TOO LONELY, I’M NOT LONELY I’M JUST WAITING FOR MY ONE AND ONLY ‘TIL HE WAKES UP FROM THE WORLD HE MAKES UP WHEN HE WAKES UP WILL HE KNOW ME? DOES HE KNOW ME? FRIENDS, THAT’S ALL WE’VE BEEN SO WHY DO I TRY TO MAKE IT START, EARL HE LIKES ME A LOT BUT HE TREATS ME LIKE I’M MISSING A PART, EARL SO WHY DON’T YOU TELL HIM THAT I’VE GOT A HEART ‘CAUSE YOU KNOW I DO ‘CAUSE, EARL, I’M SENTIMENTAL JUST LIKE YOU [EARL howls] HEY EARL, I’M SENTIMENTAL TOO

“NO MORE SAUCE” BYPASS BOYS OH, MY LORD OH, MY LORD OH MY LORD WHAT A TERRIBLE LOSS THE WHOLE WORLD’S RUN OUT OF BARBEQUE SAUCE NO MORE SAUCE NO MORE SAUCE WHOA, HARD TIMES, TROUBLE AND MISERY

“MINE REPRISE” VERANDA MINE, MINE ISN’T THE SOUND OF IT FINE? DOESN’T IT RING LIKE A BELL? ISN’T IT SWELL? DOESN’T IT SHINE? MINE, MINE LOOK AT HOW LITTLE YOU’VE GOT NOT LIKE ME, I’VE GOT A LOT IT COULD BE YOURS IF YOU WERE MINE COME SAIL WITH ME ON A SEA OF ROMANCE LIKE NO OTHER I’LL SHOW YOU SOMETHING YOU CAN’T TAKE BACK HOME TO YOUR MOTHER FINALLY WE’RE HERE ALL ALONE COULD I HAVE BEEN MISTAKEN? NOW THAT I SEE HOW YOU’VE GROWN I’M YOURS FOR THE TAKIN’ MINE, MINE FEAST YOUR EYES HERE ON MY CHARMS PICTURE ME LOCKED IN YOUR ARMS WON’T THE WORLD BE DIVINE WHEN YOU’RE MINE? JUST MINE ALL MINE Sell your land to my daddy!

“HOME” MAMA HOME, HOME ONE LITTLE STAR SHINING WILL LIGHT THE WAY TO IT NO MATTER HOW FAR THE ROAD GOES IT’LL LEAD YOU BACK TO ME NEVER BE TOO FAR FROM HOME. HOME HOME SHINING IN THE REAR VIEW MIRROR DO YOU THINK IT’S GETTING CLOSER THAT’S JUST THE WAY THAT IT APPEARS HOME WE’RE HERE NO MATTER WHERE YOU ROAM NEVER BE TOO FAR FROM HOME HOME IS A PLACE LOCKED UP IN EVERY HEART IT WILL ALWAYS BE THE SAME THOUGH THE ONES YOU LOVE ARE FAR APART HOME IS WHERE THEY WILL REMAIN THOUGH YOU GO DOWN EVERY ROAD AND HIGHWAY YOU’LL NEVER BE A STRANGER YOUR HEART WILL ALWAYS HAVE A HOME HOME, IT MAKES NO DIFFERENCE WHERE YOU ROAM NEVER BE TOO FAR FROM HOME

LETTER FROM A FARAWAY PLACE KUDZU I’VE SEEN YOU RIDE THE WESTERN RANGE DREAMED OF YOU, YOUR SHIP ON HUDSON’S BAY IMAGINED YOU, STOPPING RUNAWAY TRAINS REACHED FOR YOU, BUT YOU JUST SLIPPED AWAY HEARD YOUR VOICE, AFTER ALL THESE YEARS TRUER WORDS I’VE NEVER ONCE BEEN TOLD BUT OF COURSE, YOU’RE NOT REALLY HERE AND I’M... NOT SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD I GOT A LETTER FROM A FARAWAY PLACE FINALLY HEARD FROM MY OLD MAN AND THOUGH I’D RATHER GOT IT FACE TO FACE STILL I’M GLAD TO GET THE ONLY WORD FROM HIM I’VE EVER HAD MIGHT NEVER KNOW WHY YOU HAD TO LEAVE DON’T KNOW WHERE YOU ARE TODAY BUT EVEN SO, LEAST NOW I CAN BELIEVE WHEN I PICTURED YOU UP ON THE TOP OF THE WORLD . . . YOU SAW ME THAT SAME WAY I GOT A LETTER FROM A FARAWAY PLACE I FINALLY HEARD FROM MY OLD MAN AND THOUGH I’D RATHER GOT IT FACE TO FACE STILL I’M GLAD TO GET THE ONLY WORD FROM HIM I’VE EVER HAD GET THE ONLY WORD FROM HIM I’VE EVER HAD

MASTER PLAN BIG BUBBA YOU KNOW I BUILT THIS TOWN FROM THE BOTTOM UP AND EVERYTHING YOU SEE IT’S BELONGS TO ME I COULD HOLD YOU DOWN OR I COULD BUILD YOU UP ‘CAUSE EVERYTHING I WANT WILL BE WILL B YOU SAY YOUR CHURCH NEEDS A BIG DONATION? FOR THE BUILDING FUND WILL FOR THE BUILDING FUND BIG BUBBA HERE LET ME GET MY CHECK BOOK OUT BUBBETTES GOT A CHECKBOOK HE’S GOT A CHECKBOOK BIG BUBBA YOU WANT A CRYSTAL CATHEDRAL WITH A GREAT BIG CONGREGATION? NOW YOU’RE TALKING TO A GOOD OLD BOY WITH CLOUT BUT DUNN, I DON’T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND I GOT A MASTER PLAN WILL Does that include a TV satellite? BIG BUBBA Shut up! THERE’S A MAN ‘ROUND HERE SOME KINDA LOWER BREED HE GOT A LITTLE PLOT OF LAND I NEED BUBBETTES HE GOT A PLOT, IT’S WORTH A LOT WILL IT’S JUST A PATCH OF WEEDS! BUBBETTES PATCH OF WEEDS PATCH OF WEEDS BIG BUBBA BUT IT SUITS MY NEEDS AND I’M ‘ON TELL YOU RIGHT NOW BRING ME THAT DEED WILL But if the boy won’t sell, what are you gonna do? BIG BUBBA I CAN DO ANYTHING THAT I WANT TO I CAN DO AS I PLEASE YEAH, I THINK I’VE EARNED THE RIGHT BUBBETTES EARNED THE RIGHT HE’S EARNED THE RIGHT OOO-- BIG BUBBA IF I WANT I CAN SELL THIS WHOLE DAMN TOWN TO THE JAPANESE AND YOU KNOW, I THINK I MIGHT WILL But they’re Buddists! BIG BUBBA SON, YOU STILL DON’T UNDERSTAND I GOT A MASTER PLAN LOOKEE HEAH: SEE THE LIGHTNING HEAR THE THUNDER CRASHING THINK IT’S GONNA RAIN BUT IT WON’T AH, DON’T IT MAKE YOUR HEART GO “THUMP, THUMP” I KNOW IT DOES MINE ‘CAUSE THAT MIGHTY RED CLOUD THERE GLOWIN’ HIDES A LAGOON AT THE HEART OF THE KUDZU PLANT AND I’M THE MAN WITH THE PLAN’S GONNA PRIME THE PUMP! BIG BUBBA BY NOW I’M SURE YOU UNDERSTAND I GOT A MASTER PLAN WHOA, I GOT A MASTER PLAN I GOT A MASTERPLAN

WE’RE YOUR MAMAS MAMA, MAZEE WE’RE YOUR MAMAS MAZEE WE TAUGHT YOU HOW TO BLOW YOUR NOSE AND BRUSH YOUR TEETH AND HOW TO PUT ON YOUR PAJAMAS MAZEE, MAMA WE’RE THE TOP OF THE LINE STICK WITH US AND YOU’LL BE DOIN’ FINE AND NO MATTER WHERE YOU GO OR WHAT YOU DO WE’LL ALWAYS BE YOUR MAMAS TO YOU MAMA LISTEN UP TO YOUR MOTHER TUCK IN YOUR SHIRT MAZEE DON’T TREAT ME LIKE DIRT MAZEE, MAMA ‘CAUSE YOU’LL NEVER HAVE ANOTHER MAZEE YOU OUT MESSING AROUND YOU OUGHT TO TREAT US BETTER THAN YOUR DOGGONE HOUND MAZEE, MAMA NO MATTER WHERE YOU GO AND WHAT YOU DO YOUR MAMA’S ALWAYS WAITING FOR YOU BOYS, DON’T FORGET YOUR VERY FIRST VALENTINE YOU’LL NEVER GET TO HEAVEN IF YOU DO IF WE EVER LET YOU DOWN IT WON’T FOR LACK OF TRYING WE NEVER EVER TOLD YOU ANYTHING THAT WASN’T TRUE WE’RE YOUR MAMAS THE MOST SOPHISTICATED MAMMALS IN THE WORLD WE OUGHT TO BE IN THE BAHAMAS BUT WE’RE RIGHT HERE AT HOME DON’T MAKE NO DIFFERENCE HOW FAR YOU ROAM NO MATTER WHERE YOU GO OR WHAT YOU DO YOUR MAMA’S ALWAYS WAITIN FOR YOU WE SAID NO MATTER WHERE YOU GO OR WHAT YOU DO YOUR MAMA’S ALWAYS WAITIN FOR YOU YOUR MAMA’S ALWAYS WAITIN FOR YOU

CHECK IT OUT NASAL CHECK IT OUT CHECK IT OUT CHECK IT OUT CHECK IT OUT IT’S IN THE PAPER CHECK OUT OUR CAPER WE RULE MAURICE IT’S COOL NASAL IT’S BOSS MAURICE and NASAL WE FOUND SAUCE SAUCE NASAL CHECK IT OUT CHECK IT OUT CHECK IT OUT CHECK IT OUT HEAR WHAT I SAID IT’S RED IT AIN’T NO FAKE A GREAT BIG LAKE MAURICE AND NASAL JUMPED ACROSS MAURICE AND NASAL AND WE FOUND SAUCE SAUCE NASAL, MAURICE, MIKE CHECK IT OUT CHECK IT OUT CHECK IT OUT CHECK IT OUT UNDER YOUR NOSES KUDZU DUBOSE IS LEADING THE WAY THROUGH THE VINES AND THE MOSS TO THE SAUCE! WILL IF YOU’RE THIRSTING FOR A MIRACLE COME SEE OUR LAKE KNEEL DOWN BY THE SHORE GO ON -- PARTAKE! ALL NASAL WE ONCE WERE LOST BUT NOW WE FOUND SAUCE SAUCE SAUCE SAUCE SAUCE SAUCE SAUCE SAUCE SAUCE CHECK IT OUT, CHECK IT OUT SAUCE SAUCE SAUCE CHECK IT OUT, CHECK IT OUT SAUCE SAUCE SAUCE SAUCE SAUCE SAUCE CHECK IT OUT, CHECK IT OUT SAUCE SAUCE SAUCE CHECK IT OUT, CHECK IT OUT SAUCE SAUCE SAUCE SAUCE SAUCE SAUCE CHECK IT OUT, SAUCE

HOME REPRISE DUB HOME, HOME ONE LITTLE STAR SHINING WILL LIGHT THE WAY TO IT MAZEE, DUB NO MATTER HOW FAR THE ROAD GOES IT’LL LEAD YOU BACK TO US NEVER BE TOO FAR FROM HOME MAZEE THOUGH YOU GO DOWN EVERY ROAD AND HIGHWAY YOU’LL NEVER BE A STRANGER YOU’LL ALWAYS HAVE A HOME ALL HOME, HOME MAZEE MAKES NO DIFFERENCE WHERE YOU ROAM NEVER BE TOO FAR FROM HOME ALL HOME HOME SHINING IN THE REAR VIEW MIRROR DO YOU THINK IT’S GETTING CLOSER THAT’S JUST THE WAY THAT IT APPEARS -- HOME WE’RE HERE NO MATTER WHERE YOU ROAM NEVER BE TOO FAR FROM HOME NEVER BE TOO FAR NEVER BE TOO FAR NEVER BE TOO FAR FROM HOME